RIP Grandpa Croy

I'm so sad today! I'm sad because I lost my last living grandparent today.

I'm even sadder because I won't be able to go to the wake or the funeral. I'll be in the hospital having radiation treament to get rid of this thyroid cancer that has become a huge pain in my ass.

Goodbye Grandpa Croy!

I was told yesterday that my last living grandparent is dying. He has been unresponsive for 3 days. The only thing keep him alive is his defibrillator. So, today they have decided to have it disconnected. By they, I mean his children, my mom's siblings. I'm saddened by this, obviously because he's my grandfather...but mostly because he is a good man. You see, he isn't my mom's biological father, yet he NEVER treated her any differently. As a matter of fact, when she found out and sought out her biological father, he didn't mind! Yet, she always called him "daddy", right up until the day she died.

I miss her and I wish she could be here to comfort us all through our time of sorrow...but she's not. But, soon, my mommy will have her daddy again!!!

The good, the bad and the ugly.

The good news...the body scan shows no uptakes. Just thyroid. That means that there is no cancer anywhere else as far as they can tell. YAY!

The bad news...This coming week I will be spending 7 days away from my darling little girl. She can't be near me once I receive the I131 which will probably be on Thursday! So she will go stay with her grandparents.

The ugly...watching us cry at the same time! My little girl has shed more tears than I know how to wipe away and the week hasn't even begun yet!

Can I just say that this sucks!!!

Thanks Rosey

My friend Rosey shared this with me...I'm not sure if she cam up with it on her own or found it. Either way...it's funny

I wish I was a glow worm,
A glow worms never glum.
'Cos how can you be gloomy,
When the sun shines out your bum?

Thanks for the laugh Rosey!

Craziness

That is in my head right now!

So on Friday I got a 2 millicurry (sp) dose of Radioactive Iodine I131. It's suppose to make my "inside glow" so that I can have a full body scan tomorrow. There are 2 reasons for the scan. 1. To see if there is cancer anywhere/anywhere else in my body. 2. To see how much of my thyroid was left behind.

Maybe I should back up...

For three weeks in a row, Jan 5, Jan 11, and Jan 18, I had blood drawn. It was a TSH level. It went from 18 to 21.1 to 21.9. Yeah, not moving too fast huh? Well, this is very upsetting to me since I supposedly don't have a thyroid at all. One would think that the level would shoot right up. But apparently, I don't do things the easy way. So, after sobbing to the doctor and the endocrinologist and the doctor's nurse, they finally decided to do something different. So here we are having the smaller dose of I131 so they can decide how much to give for the big dose.

The big dose will probably be somewhere around 125-150 millicurries. I will stay in the hospital for about 3 days. Be on complete isolation! Well, that is not entirely true. Steve will be allowed to visit. But the room will be taped off. He can't cross over the tape and I can't go near him. I think that might be worse than not being about to have visitors at all!

This whole process is not an easy thing! I thought it wouldn't be that bad. It's not like I have to have chemo. Just take a pill, right? RIIIIIGHT!

Madilyn stayed the night with her grandparents on Friday night. So when she came home Saturday night, she wanted to kiss and hug me. Well, she can't kiss me and I can't kiss her. Don't wanna contaminate her. She could hug me, but only for a minute. No sitting on my lap either. So when I tried to explain the situation a little and why she couldn't kiss me, she broke down and sobbed. SOBBED!!!!! And how do you explain to your 5 year old that it is best for all of us. When all I want to do it pick her up and smother her with hugs and kisses and wipe tears. But then my dear sweet husband swooped in and calmed her a bit. After she was calm and wasn't looking anymore, I had to go upstairs and cry my eyes out! OMG! Thought I wasn't going to be able to pull it together. The worst part is that I have to do it all again in about a week.

The bears from April that were in the basket from my friends...they helped a little. I gave Madilyn her's and she gave me mine. She kissed mine goodnight and laid it on my pillow. I found it when I went to bed. She held hers and I blew kisses at them! And tonight when Madi went to bed, she told me that she is going to sleep with that bear "until you are all better mommy!" Again with the tears! UGH!

I love that little girl so much! And I'm doing this for her...because I wanna be around for her. I wanna see her get married and have a baby and go to prom and get a license and everything else that she is ever going to do! And yes, I know how dramatic this all sounds...but right now, I am scared shitless!!!! And there isn't really a whole lot I can do about it.

And Steve...what can I say. He is my rock! I'm not sure why I am surprised...afterall, the man met my entire family for the first time at my mom's funeral! I love him! And he must love me to go through all we've been through and continue to go through!

I love you Honey! And I'm sorry that you have to go through all this! But thank you for standing by my side and making "glow in the dark" jokes! Laughter is a great medicine!

Madilyn got her hair cut...

Here is the before:


Here is the after:

I have the best friends ever!!!!!!!

They put together this awesome basket with all kinds of goodies. The tags are gorgeous. The candy is good. There are teddy bears, one for me and one for Madilyn for when I go in the hospital. The are marbles for when I lose mine. And there are googly eyes for when I lose sight of the big picture. There is a candle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. ALL KINDS OF STUFF!!!! And I love each and everyone of them for doing it. It means more to mean than they will ever know. It's not often that I feel as loved as I do right now. All of these people, whom I am lucky enough to call my friends...I am eternally grateful! And I don't know how I can express that to you any clearer. Love you ladies! Here are pictures of a lot of the things in the basket.

Cancer Sucks!

When I went to the doctor on December 1, 2009, I got the news. The news that I have Stage 1 Thyroid Cancer. ummmm, what?!?!?!

I had a biopsy...it was negative. The University of Chicago Pathologists looked at those slides and agreed...it was negative. I had my thyroid removed.



While I was still in surgery, they did another biopsy...it was negative. So when I went for my follow up, turns out there were all wrong! So now I am off my thyroid meds, I am waiting for my TSH to hit 30 so that I can be admitted to the hospital and have a radioactive iodine treatment. This will attack the little bit of thyroid that is left and hopefully kill any cancer that may be lingering. Also, if I have cancer anywhere else in my body, the scans will show it. So, 3 days in the hospital on COMPLETE isolation. Even have to throw my clothes away. Then another 4 days home alone. Can't sleep in the same bad as Steve. I can't even be around Madilyn. Then for an additional 7 days, I won't be able to snuggle my baby! Only a quick hug. NO KISSES! In 3 months, I will go back and have a full body scan. We shall see. If it's gone, we are done. If it's not, we repeat the above!

Merry Christmas!

So we made it through the holidays! Madilyn was an absolute joy this year on Christmas! She got her bitty baby twin dolls and Grandma and Papa got her the stroller. Which she just loved. She also lost her VERY FIRST TOOTH! She was eating the apple that Santa left in her stocking!