Craziness

That is in my head right now!

So on Friday I got a 2 millicurry (sp) dose of Radioactive Iodine I131. It's suppose to make my "inside glow" so that I can have a full body scan tomorrow. There are 2 reasons for the scan. 1. To see if there is cancer anywhere/anywhere else in my body. 2. To see how much of my thyroid was left behind.

Maybe I should back up...

For three weeks in a row, Jan 5, Jan 11, and Jan 18, I had blood drawn. It was a TSH level. It went from 18 to 21.1 to 21.9. Yeah, not moving too fast huh? Well, this is very upsetting to me since I supposedly don't have a thyroid at all. One would think that the level would shoot right up. But apparently, I don't do things the easy way. So, after sobbing to the doctor and the endocrinologist and the doctor's nurse, they finally decided to do something different. So here we are having the smaller dose of I131 so they can decide how much to give for the big dose.

The big dose will probably be somewhere around 125-150 millicurries. I will stay in the hospital for about 3 days. Be on complete isolation! Well, that is not entirely true. Steve will be allowed to visit. But the room will be taped off. He can't cross over the tape and I can't go near him. I think that might be worse than not being about to have visitors at all!

This whole process is not an easy thing! I thought it wouldn't be that bad. It's not like I have to have chemo. Just take a pill, right? RIIIIIGHT!

Madilyn stayed the night with her grandparents on Friday night. So when she came home Saturday night, she wanted to kiss and hug me. Well, she can't kiss me and I can't kiss her. Don't wanna contaminate her. She could hug me, but only for a minute. No sitting on my lap either. So when I tried to explain the situation a little and why she couldn't kiss me, she broke down and sobbed. SOBBED!!!!! And how do you explain to your 5 year old that it is best for all of us. When all I want to do it pick her up and smother her with hugs and kisses and wipe tears. But then my dear sweet husband swooped in and calmed her a bit. After she was calm and wasn't looking anymore, I had to go upstairs and cry my eyes out! OMG! Thought I wasn't going to be able to pull it together. The worst part is that I have to do it all again in about a week.

The bears from April that were in the basket from my friends...they helped a little. I gave Madilyn her's and she gave me mine. She kissed mine goodnight and laid it on my pillow. I found it when I went to bed. She held hers and I blew kisses at them! And tonight when Madi went to bed, she told me that she is going to sleep with that bear "until you are all better mommy!" Again with the tears! UGH!

I love that little girl so much! And I'm doing this for her...because I wanna be around for her. I wanna see her get married and have a baby and go to prom and get a license and everything else that she is ever going to do! And yes, I know how dramatic this all sounds...but right now, I am scared shitless!!!! And there isn't really a whole lot I can do about it.

And Steve...what can I say. He is my rock! I'm not sure why I am surprised...afterall, the man met my entire family for the first time at my mom's funeral! I love him! And he must love me to go through all we've been through and continue to go through!

I love you Honey! And I'm sorry that you have to go through all this! But thank you for standing by my side and making "glow in the dark" jokes! Laughter is a great medicine!